


23 Years

by orphan_account



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Minor Character Death, Processing Grief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:34:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25045468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A mediation on grieving a lost mother, mostly stream of consciousness.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Kudos: 8





	23 Years

"The pain is unbearable, nearly impossible to articulate," Lena thinks as she sits at her kitchen table with a blank page in front of her.

Kelly had given Lena the number of a colleague of hers, a notable and highly recommended therapist, Dr Cynthia Alpin.

Dr Alpin had tasked Lena with keeping a journal, but so far Lena just has a blank page staring back at her. Her mind’s racing, with multiple false starts.

Where to even begin?

With a shaky hand, Lena picks up a pen and decided she’ll take it one thought at a time.

_Today has been a rough day, anniversaries, milestones of any kind, always are._

_My mother died 23 years ago today._

_It’s sounds definitive, a one off event, not like something that could effect every other aspect of my life._

_That one thing, one event, one whatever hasn’t stopped effecting me, its impact hasn’t lessened. It thrust me into a whole other world, a colder world. Now I was within the orbit of the Luthors._

_I never connected with my stepmother Lillian. Any attempt on my part was met, at best, with indifference, at worst, contempt. I was so alone. Distant from my beloved brother in this way. How do you explain to someone how has never experienced loss its true magnitude? Lex tried his best though._

_Mother’s Day is a reminder of the loss of what a mother/daughter relationship is supposed to be. I’m keenly aware of what I’m missing. Not having that relationship, or really, having it taken away makes it hard to connect with others sometimes. I feel like I’m missing such a fundamental piece of being a person._

_I remember in grade school, teachers telling us our parents needed to sign permission slips for field trips. Parents. The ’s’ at the end of that word burned into my mind, just another small reminder._

_I thought I had found something special when Rhea came into my life. She was everything I thought I had been looking for, a maternal mentor that took genuine interest in me and my work. Her betrayal cut very deep, deeper in a way, than Kara’s._

_Kara called me today to check in, she remembered what today is for me.It meant so much to me that she’s still here, that we’re…_

_Kara and I, we….well , I feel that is a journal entry for another day._

**Author's Note:**

> Mostly, this is just catharsis for me to process my own mother's death, 23 years ago today. I feels unreal tbh.


End file.
